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October 23, 2017 Career Advice

We Broke I.T. Purchasing

Reading Time: 4 minutes

“What is the difference between unethical and ethical advertising? Unethical advertising uses falsehoods to deceive the public; ethical advertising uses truth to deceive the public.” — Vilhjalmur Stefansson

The process by which we in the IT industry evaluate and purchase new equipment is broken. The entire cycle from product inception through marketing, evaluation, purchase and on to installation, is almost as useful as snake mittens. And as far as I can tell, it’s only getting worse.

marketing monster

After spending millions of dollars of research and development money on the road to a final product, and needing to get to market as quickly as possible both to recoup their investment and to release something, or anything, companies turn to their crack marketing departments. For many people this is regarded as a wholly bad idea, and a process which should be set to the flame like a witch. However, as the people of this opinion are not in charge of anything, the world marches dutifully onward. Slide decks are made, white papers are written, hours are spent in the service of a great product name, until eventually the baby can be revealed and judged not on its merits but on its saleability.

Other companies, sensing that they are now behind the proverbial eight-ball because they don’t have the newest Binford 9000, rush to call the new baby ugly while simultaneously trotting out their current product, now re-branded as being the same as everyone else’s, only better in every way. Sometimes there is a new product that can be wrapped in the appropriate language on launch, other times its an old product being polished like so many fetid turds. But at least the product is out, it’s competing (maybe), and a market segment is born.

Of course the analysts must get involved at this point, lest the masses be confused as to what they should be buying. They evaluate the new product, the existing products with their me-too swagger, and any other products that might conceivably be useful in rounding out a newly formed slice of the silicon valley dream. Things are studied, questions asked, product managers cajoled into filling out forms and answering questions, chins are scratched, foreheads rubbed, looking glasses consulted. Finally, charts are made, resplendent in their multi-colored, important sounding axis and titles, the winners and losers laid out for the world to murmur over in trade shows all over Las Vegas.

These are all important processes and must be followed very exactingly. After all, without the marketeers inventing a name, or the analysts categorizing those cohorts, how can a reasonable C‑level executive possibly be expected to be told what they should buy? Charts are very important here, vendor sales people equally so, and analysts are perhaps the most important of all. Shortchange any of this process and bad things are likely to happen; technologies might be evaluated on their own merits and against the needs of the company instead of what everyone knows to be the correct process, namely, buying the best entry in the best category of the best analyst’s colored charts.

“Damnit, Johnson! Do we have the new foop-splort 52xy‑C port-box
balancer?”

“Um, we could be looking into…”

“And what about moving our stuff into the fog bank? Are we fogging yet?”

“I…”

The staff responsible for using equipment on the network, ostensibly those for whom the challenges are well known, bear little responsibility for making a final decision and are well-served by appearing to be on board, whatever the final decision. In fact, if they appear as not paying proper fealty to the pitched technology they run the risk of being branded a heretic, a crabby malcontent only wanting to keep things the way they were in the era of the punch card, someone to be shunned and hidden away from anyone reeking of importance. For those not inclined toward management, and not desirous of being involved in any decisions going forward–including lunch orders, types of free drinks in the kitchen, flavors of coffee, work hours–this is probably not a wholly bad thing. They’ll grow a beard, grow bitter, and eventually be found half delirious clutching a stapler.

However, for those engineers who haven’t quite given up on life, the marketing, analyst, and sales machine can be a juggernaut upon which many careers are made. If executives are on board, and why wouldn’t they be, it’s probably best to agree their clothes are quite lovely thank you very much, or feign only mild concern, “I wish that came in blue.”

But, a few million dollars later, and some cold nights searching for your soul among the crumbled dreams of your broken life, a pile of shiny new gear–or software, licenses, and broken promises–will arrive upon your doorstep, ready to be integrated into whatever remains of your apparently old and busted infrastructure. It might not work, or do anything useful, or even really integrate very well at all. But think of it this way, by the time you install it, learn it, and figure out just what you can do with it, a new category will have been born and you can start the process all over again. Unless you’ve been hidden away with your heretical ramblings and your stapler.

October 24, 2012 Uncategorized

Open Letter to a Failed Job Applicant

Reading Time: 3 minutes

“Life is hard. It’s harder if you’re stupid.” — John Wayne

Dear Applicant,

I know it must have hurt you to find out that you were not selected for the position you interviewed for with my company. I know that based partly on my own experiences looking for work, but also by the way you attempted to high-five me when the interview was over. Rest assured, the fact that you almost punched me and that I had to get my glasses adjusted (turns out they aren’t made to hit the wall that hard) had no direct bearing on you not being asked to join our team. I feel a certain sense of duty, however, and would like to see you succeed in the future. To that end, please consider my topical suggestions for improving your interview performance below.

Timeliness–I understand that unforeseen complications can arise at any place, and often at the most inopportune times, which is why I didn’t cancel the interview when you were 35 minutes late to meet with me and the rest of the interview team. Life can happen to anyone, and I was feeling a little forgiving that day. Thanking me profusely for allowing you to interview was a good start, but explaining to me how drunk you were last night probably wasn’t your best move, strategically speaking.

Clothing–I know that in several print and other media outlets it is a well-hackneyed meme to eschew the idea of wearing a suit to a job these days. Some even say that you shouldn’t wear a suit to the interview. I tend to disagree, but I do understand that now that I’m in my late 30’s I am officially an old codger from your perspective. Let me just say this, then. Showing up to the interview in a wrinkled gap shirt, a pair of what I have to imagine are extremely uncomfortable jeans, and some oddly colored shoes that may have been made out of recycled rubber boots was a regrettable choice. You can probably skip the tie if you need to, but you may want to consider a pair of good slacks, a button-up shirt, and a coat. You may be a fresh-out-of-college hipster, but some of us aren’t.

Confidence–I admire confidence in people, I think it’s a good trait. Confidence during a job interview is also a good trait, and I’m glad to see you have it in spades. You should consider tempering that confidence just a bit, however, and perhaps relegating your stories of other-worldly deeds to things you have actually done, and not just things you have heard about. Also, the phrase “back in the day” should probably not be used to describe something I remember implementing less than 10 years ago.

Questions–I have to admire the way you showed absolutely no interest in my company… none, nada, zip. It takes a remarkable amount of focus and dedication to remain that entirely disinterested in a company you, ostensibly, are interested in working for. I have a hard time hitting that level of indifference on topics as mundane as toilet paper color, so that’s something. For future interviews, however, you may want to come armed with some basic questions that show you are at least aware of the company name. Start slow, then work up to more detailed questions like:

(1) What kind of company is this?

(2) What do you make? Or sell? Or do?

(3) Will I be paid?

(4) Am I expected to wear clothes?

I do applaud you for having questions at the ready, and for asking them in a serious manner, but I do question the content a bit. For instance, the few minutes we spent discussing what it *really* means to take a random drug test, whether they’re truly random or not, and how much notice you’d be given were insightful to say the least. Your concern about background checks was also good to see, though perhaps not in the way you might have hoped. The story about your wrongful arrest was colorful, if not helpful to your cause, and was 10 minutes of my life I’ll never get back.

Salary Negotiations–Here is an area where you really shot for the moon, and that is commendable on some level. Your tenacity in maintaining your worth to my company, despite all evidence to the contrary is a model of confidence and self-worth. The fact that your last job was as a help-desk technician for the local chapter of the there-but-for-the-grace-of-God society, that you had responsibility for two computers, and that you spent the majority of your work week in what I’d charitably call the custodial industry notwithstanding, you stood your ground and demanded a six-figure salary. As a quick aside, I have to apologize again for blowing coffee out my nose at you during this discussion. I assure you it was simply a lingering illness and nothing to do with our conversation.

In closing, while you were not offered this position–or any future position, ever–I hope that my suggestions above will be taken under advisement and help you as you explore other opportunities with–and I can’t stress this enough–other companies. Oh, and the position was filled by a guy in a suit. He wasn’t as fun to interview as you were, but again, he had a suit.

Thanks

November 6, 2011 Uncategorized

ADVICE FOR THE NEOPHYTE IT ASPIRANT

Reading Time: 4 minutes

After 17 years in the industry I have decided that it is time to pass down some advice to the newer entrants in to the field of Information Technology. If you’re just out of school with a freshly minted degree, looking for that shiny new job that leads to fame and fortune, then this article is for you. If you are looking to move up in the job you currently hold, then this article is for you. Hell, if you’re breathing and have heard of a computer before, this might be for you as well.

(1) The first thing you have to realize about working in Information Technology is this: it automatically leads to six-figure incomes, sports cars, and attractive women. Most people won’t tell you this, and in fact go to great lengths to cover it up—much like we in the Seattle area tell people it rains all the time so you won’t move here—but it is true. Anyone who denies this is either lying to you, or incompetent. If you apply for a position in IT (cool-kids abbreviation warning) you should definitely expect this as a minimum package. If you don’t get offered all of these things up front, or hear anything faintly resembling an insinuation that you might need something called experience, run the other way: this job is beneath you.

(2) This brings us to another good point that we should discuss right away: this notion of experience. Experience is something that people who’ve sat around at their job long enough claim you need in order to do what they do. The reality, however, is far different. Most of these so called “experienced” people have long ago given up on being useful, and are simply waiting around to retire. They’re slow, ineffectual, and don’t know half of what you do. They’re your parents age, aren’t cool, don’t dress right, stay home on weekends, don’t come in with hangovers, and sit around so much it’s painfully obvious they don’t do anything. Experience is just a word they toss out there to keep fresh young people who know more than they do from exposing their weaknesses to the sober light of day. Scoff openly when presented with the need for experience. Tossing in an “old” joke or two wouldn’t hurt either… it helps let people know you’re on to them.

(3) Everyone knows that IT types in general, and network engineers in particular, are opinionated people. All day, every day, we’re called upon to give voice to others’ technology insecurities; to make them feel better by telling them what is good and bad in any given situation. To truly be successful—to truly rise above the crowds of mediocrity in the field—you’ll need to take this natural predilection for opining and crank it up a few notches. The best way to do this is to form as many opinions on technology as possible, and then never waver from them. It works even better if your opinions aren’t based on anything useful like quantifiable data or experience, but rather on ego. You’ll also want to pick technologies to evangelize that either few people know, you don’t currently have in place (this helps tremendously, because you can be the “expert” without having to get your hands dirty by proving it), or that make you seem “cool”. To wit, let’s look at point number 4:

(4) Technologies like Apple are ubiquitous in the network engineering world. They are good products in many ways, but that’s not why you’ll want to use them. You’ll want to use them because that’s what all the “cool” kids are using. Old people with “experience” use PCs and you don’t want to be associated with that. Having some off-handed platitudes about why you use Apple computers is going to be good here; things like “I only use the best tool for the job” is a great one. If challenged, or heaven forbid proven wrong, above all else don’t acknowledge this. Simply wave your hands in a dismissive way and insist that somehow the thing you like about Apple really hasn’t been disproven, and move on. This doesn’t apply only to Apple, of course, you can use this technique to make yourself look smarter than those around you with just about anything. As I stated, however, you’ll really want to pick as many technologies as possible that don’t have much market penetration in your company or circle of influence. If you pick something well-known to evangelize, you run the risk of being labeled as difficult to work with.

(5) On the topic of difficult to work with, this can be important as well. Agreeable people get nowhere in corporate America, and you certainly aren’t working for any team. The best thing to do with any new job is to immediately establish that you won’t play by everyone else’s rules. The most effective way I’ve found to make this happen is to constantly complain about how much better things were done “at my old company.” This applies even if, as is likely, your old company was just college. What this does is establish the fact that you’ve seen better, you know better, and you won’t be held back by mediocrity. It also lets everyone know up front that you aren’t a team player, and that you’ll drive the bus of success all on your own thank you very much.

There are many more tips I can share, and I’m certain that this is probably just the start of a multi-part article. It is, after all, incumbent on those of us who have been in the industry for a while now to try to pass on all that we’ve learned to the next generation. There is far too much disinformation out there on so-called “success,” and I believe that whatever I can do to debunk the common mythology, it is for the best.